Friday, May 10, 2013

Memories and tears of a wandering mother

        I've been away from Ellie for less than 24 hours but it seems like ages and the end of the world.
She made it worse by crying and looking for me all around the house for long hours, shouting my name with such despair until the exhaustion took over her little body and fell asleep in granny's bed. It just broke my heart hearing and seeing her through Skype, I almost went back.
        Last time it was much easier, she was nothing but a lump and even if she could understand mommy is leaving home, far far away from her, she wasn't able to talk and say how much she hates that. Now she can talk and expresses her feelings with so much passion, it's just unbearable to see how much she suffers.
        My body is safe and sound in Rotterdam, Netherlands but it's all an ilusion, just like this picture that keeps coming back to my mind, for some strange reason. It's a tiny print of Ellie's hand on a mirror, when she was only a couple of months old. It's gone now, same as my heart...
        Some of you might still remember this photo, it is one of my most precious memories about my sweet, irreplaceable, one of a kind angel.

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